Dumb and Dumber
The world hadn't heard much in recent years from Tila Tequila, a minor celebrity of yesteryear. But then she began to write of the Hitler she loves, and why.
How bad was Adolf Hitler? Not so much, says Tila Tequila.
And she should know. After all, Ms. Tequila, n茅e Tila Nguyen, is a woman of commanding achievements. She was the most popular person ever on MySpace (remember MySpace?), posed nude for Penthouse, Playboy and others, was a doper who ended up in rehab, hosted a strip-tease TV show that featured the 鈥淧ants-Off Dance-Off,鈥� and recorded timeless romantic standards like 鈥淚 F----- the DJ.鈥�
She ran a dating site, was engaged to an heiress, accused her boyfriend of domestic violence but ended up owing him $2 million after failing to respond to his countersuit, made a lesbian sex tape, and played a Hooters waitress in a really, really bad movie (the execrable 鈥淚 Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry鈥�).
Plus, she sometimes reads the Internet.
Apparently, that鈥檚 where she learned the truth about the f眉hrer, 鈥渁 special and sweet kid who had a dream to become a painter,鈥� as she wrote on her Facebook page in December. 鈥淯nfortunately, the art schools did not feel the same as he and they rejected him. Fast forward a few years later and he was roughed up and bullied on top of that by the same people he once loved. His Name was Hitler.鈥�
The problem, the 32-year-old explained, is that the victors of World War II wrote the history, and the media lies. In reality, she noted, Hitler was a vegetarian, loved animals and children, was a 鈥渂rilliant鈥� artist, and saved his country, sort of.
鈥淚 understand the Jewish people went through some shit too, but hey guess what?? SO DID THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE WHO SUFFERED IN EVERY SINGLE WAR THAT TOOK PLACE! You were NOT the only ones. So please, if the rest of us can forgive and forget maybe it鈥檚 time you do also!!!鈥�
Tila鈥檚 got a few other unusual beliefs as well. You know, the normal type of thing for Deep-Thinking Celebrities of Yesteryear 鈥� she鈥檚 a goddess who鈥檚 鈥渂een around for 500,000 years鈥�; she remembers past lives; she 鈥渒nows鈥� actor Paul Walker, who died in a fiery car crash on Nov. 30, was murdered; the 鈥渙fficial story鈥� of 9/11 is 鈥渁bsolute garbage鈥�; there are 鈥渨inged planets鈥�; and so on.
But it鈥檚 Hitler who really turns her on.
鈥淗itler was a good man and it takes some f------ balls for someone to say this,鈥� she wrote. She referred to herself as 鈥淗itila,鈥� a coupling, so to speak, of Hitler and Tila. She posted a Photoshopped picture of herself standing in front of the Birkenau death camp wearing an SS cap, a swastika, and not a lot else. And, in a new song, 鈥淚t鈥檚 Going Down,鈥� she refers to a related obsession, the Illuminati, a long-gone secret society that many conspiracy theorists believe secretly controls the world. She sings, 鈥淛ewluminati motherf------ hate me/Oh no they don鈥檛 wanna date me/Nor you nor you nor you too/Worldwide genocide blame it on the Jews.鈥�
But isn鈥檛 Tila becoming a Jew? Well, no, that was way back in 2012, when she decided that Jews were cool and she began to study Hebrew and attend conversion classes. 鈥淚 just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them,鈥� she chirped then, 鈥渁nd I can鈥檛 wait to officially be Jewish!鈥� Unfortunately, she says now, the Jews responded to her newfound Judaism mainly by mocking her.
Much to Tila鈥檚 surprise, her rants met with some blowback.
After she had been pilloried and laughed at on pretty much every website to the left of, well, Hitler, she cut a new video responding to her many critics. In it, she said that it had all been 鈥渟atire,鈥� that she was being attacked by 鈥淣ew World Order Zionists鈥� and 鈥淶ionist Jewluminatis鈥� even though she 鈥渓oves鈥� all people, 鈥渏ust because I was sympathetic towards other human beings鈥� 鈥� that is, Hitler.
She stopped several times in mid-video to sigh. 鈥淭his is all very complicated,鈥� she said with a frustrated look, 鈥渢o try to explain.鈥� The world is 鈥渁n illusion,鈥� she continued, 鈥渨hite magic鈥� and human 鈥渟uper-abilities鈥� are real, and we are all suffering because of 鈥渢he sacred powers that God bestowed on to us that they stole, which they found under Solomon鈥檚 temple, or what the f--- ever.鈥�
You see, it really is hard to explain.
In any event, Tila promised her viewers, she is not about to 鈥渓ower myself to your level,鈥� and instead will continue to speak out for the benefit of all of us, even the non-comprehending 鈥渟heeple.鈥� 鈥淚鈥檓 speaking the truth,鈥� she said.
鈥淐apiche?鈥� she ended. 鈥淭ata and God bless. Sieg heil!鈥�
