人兽性交

These days, the U.S. Department of Justice and its investigators and prosecutors get accused of a lot of things by conspiracy-minded antigovernment extremists, but here鈥檚 a new one. A so-called 鈥渟overeign citizen鈥� in the state of Washington, just sentenced to 40 months in prison, has filed suit accusing the government and its agents of using poor grammar and writing at a second-grade level.

David Russell Myrland filed the civil suit in U.S. District Court in Seattle with help from , another sovereign who claims he became the 鈥渒ing of Hawaii鈥� in 1996 after turning that state鈥檚 name into a verb. (For the record, Miller prefers the 鈥渇ull-colon鈥� spelling of his name, David-Wynn: Miller. Like many sovereigns who don鈥檛 recognize most state and federal laws, he claims the government uses grammar to enslave it citizens. By using hyphens and colons in their names, he claims, citizens can escape the grasp of government and its taxes.)

The 鈥渆vidence鈥� attached to the suit filed Jan. 23 is the federal criminal complaint filed by the Justice Department in January 2011 against Myrland, accusing him of threatening to kidnap and injure the mayor of Kirkland, Wash. Every word in the complaint is painstakingly footnoted as a 鈥渟yntax-word-key meaning.鈥�

Myrland, part of a sovereign group calling itself 鈥淎ssemblies of the Counties,鈥� pleaded guilty last August to threatening to use deadly force to arrest various government officials. The group has ties to Alaska militia leader , who faces charges of plotting to kidnap and kill judges and state police officers.

For the past 20 years, has been illegally practicing law and teaching others how to cheat on their federal income taxes, prosecutors said in court filings when he was sentenced in December.

Somewhere along the way, Myrland hooked up with Miller, who modestly claims he has an IQ of 200 and is a frequent speaker at antigovernment 鈥淧atriot鈥� movement gatherings. Both men鈥檚 signatures (with hyphens and full colons, of course) are on the suit, along with Miller鈥檚 fingerprint atop his signature.

After 10 pages of single-spaced, legal gobbledygook, the suit concludes: 鈥淔or the 鈥榳hy鈥� of the sheriff鈥檚-statement-writings and: United States Attorney鈥檚-statements-writing are with a second-grade-reading-level and: writing-level and: vacating-facts, opinions, guessing, modifications, viod [sic]-factual-syntax-grammar word-meanings by the vassalees against the collusion-conspiracy with the handycapping [sic]-parse-syntax-grammar-communication-pleadings and: babbling-collusions-threats against the David-Russell: Myrland by the vassalees.鈥�

鈥淔or this federal-judge: David-Wynn: Miller鈥檚-correction of the vassalees-fiction-syntax-grammar-pleadings is with the correction-participation-claim of this babble-indictment-evidence and: bad-probation-syntax=grammar-evidence.聽 (Why did the vassalees do this case with a void-communications?) For the void-drogue-law, void-oath of an office, void-judge鈥檚-oath, void-docking-court-house-vessel in the Washington-state-dry-dock and: void-original-lodial-land-title.鈥�

Whew.

Unsurprisingly, the Myrland-Miller lawsuit has hit a snag.

William McCool, the court executive for the Western District of Washington, sent a letter addressed to both men, saying their suit was not accompanied by an In Forma Pauperis form. The plaintiffs were given until Feb. 23 to either pay a $350 filing fee or prove with a certified copy of Myrland鈥檚 prison trust account that he鈥檚 truly indigent and can proceed as a pauper.